Teaching Consideration.

Believe it or not, I want to be mean to people ALL the time. I really do. I am always described as being too nice but the truth is, I am pretty mean. I could probably be a "successful" mean person, if I let myself. What stops me (most of the time) from saying or doing what I am thinking, is that I was taught to consider other people. I was taught to ask myself, "how would this feel if it were done to me?" & "how will this make this person feel?". I was taught about consideration of others.

In a way, I was over-taught to value the needs of others before my own needs. In some ways this has hindered me because I can think of situations in my life where I wanted something so badly, but I knew it would hurt someone, so I didn't speak up about my thoughts. Overall, however, I think that considering the feelings & well being of other people has helped me more than hindered. I work each day on being more self-assertive.

I am trying (TRYING) to teach my boys to think of other people before they act or speak. I want to find a fine balance between being considerate towards others & also assertive for themselves. My hope is that they will be able to find like minded friends & partners. Then, I hope, my boys will go in to the world & teach their babies about consideration  I have read that like, attracts like & I am counting on this theory. Teaching the boys about consideration isn't easy. I have 3 wonderful, kind, unique kids but they each have VERY different personalities.

Ethan, although VERY thoughtful and kind, is now a teenager. He has a short fuse (especially with his brothers) & he seems to have (temporarily) forgotten that he used to enjoy receiving advice & knowledge from his Mom. Now-a-days, advice from Mom is met with an eye roll or argument in response. This too shall pass... or at least that is what I keep telling myself. Ethan is very compassionate overall, just not towards his family.

Oliver is more out-spoken than the other 2. Oliver is precocious & quick to react with anger. He has a harder time thinking before he speaks. Oliver is a tad more challenging than the other 2 because Oliver's world revolves around what Oliver wants. I have seen signs from Oliver that he is getting the concept of compassion but he very rarely thinks before he reacts. Oliver will learn when Oliver is good & ready. In the mean time, I keep reminding him about compassion. I won't give up!

Avery is sensitive. He is only 5 but I can already see that he gets the idea of consideration. He will often get very sad immediately after saying or doing something not-so-nice to someone. This doesn't mean he refrains from being mean, especially to his brothers, but he does seem to "get it". The idea is to drill compassion in to the fiber of his soul before he turns 13. Re-read above for my reasoning behind this approach!

There is hope for all 3 of them, thank goodness.

I think the world needs a good dose of consideration for others. I bet a lot of our world issues would be solved or at least getting much better if we could all take a few minutes out of our day to consider how our actions affect and effect other people.

Blogging about it, won't make it happen. I know this. Maybe for some people being considerate comes naturally, but from what I can see, it usually needs to be taught. For me, it feels like second nature but I have no idea if it was a difficult task for my parents to teach me. In my mind, I was the perfect child, so of course I think it was probably very easy! ;) As for my boys, teaching them isn't totally difficult but it isn't a walk in the park either. It is important though, so I will keep trying.

The world needs it, even if it is only my little part.

Me.