Saying good-bye is never easy. As a Military family, we have had our share of good-byes. It never gets easier.
This morning I said good-bye to a good friend. She is moving back out east with her family. They leave on Thursday. I haven't known this friend long. I only met her when I moved here this summer. But she, along with a few other amazing women, have made the move to this new Province not only bearable, but really freakin' fun! I could have never guessed that I would leave Quebec with a group of life long friends... also known as "The Bitches". Unfortunately this summer, one by one, at least 3 of the fantastic people I have met here will move. Posting season happens every year. It always sucks.
So as posting messages come in & houses sell, 3 of my new friends will leave. Then it will be my turn again. This time, however, I am moving away from the Military, not with it... & that makes me sad.
As I said good-bye to my friend this morning, it occurred to me that we won't run in to each other again. We will, of course, make efforts to stay in touch & have visits, but we won't ever live in the same place again. You see, when you are in the Canadian Forces, good-bye isn't always final. You may be posted away somewhere for 3 or 4 years & then posted again back with people you left the first time. Or, in some cases, posted somewhere new again but with people you knew from years before. It is a smaller world than one can imagine. I have even heard stories of people who were PMQ neighbors that get posted their separate ways only to wind up a few years later as PMQ neighbors again, on a different base. Running in to other Military folks where you least expect it is very common. I will miss this familiarity dearly when I leave.
So as I said good-bye to my friend & tried not to get teary eyed, I realized that my good-byes seem more final than they did a few short moths ago. When we posted here, I still felt like part of the Military community. It is a truly incredible experience to move to a new province & make such great friends in only a few months time. I have met so many wonderful people through my Military connection. I have deep, secure relationships with people I would have never met if I had stayed in my hometown. I am really thankful for being able to have such experiences.
This will be a huge good-bye for me. I will say good-bye to my friends here, my house, my vehicle, half of my furniture & the city I live in. I will say good-bye to an entire community & a totally separate lifestyle. I will say good-bye to the Military. That does make me sad. I can only hope that even though I have to say good-bye to the Canadian Forces way of life, that I will someday be able to visit... even for a short time to reminisce about the "good ol' days".
Me.
Tuesday, March 18, 2014
Saturday, March 15, 2014
Teaching Consideration.
Believe it or not, I want to be mean to people ALL the time. I really do. I am always described as being too nice but the truth is, I am pretty mean. I could probably be a "successful" mean person, if I let myself. What stops me (most of the time) from saying or doing what I am thinking, is that I was taught to consider other people. I was taught to ask myself, "how would this feel if it were done to me?" & "how will this make this person feel?". I was taught about consideration of others.
In a way, I was over-taught to value the needs of others before my own needs. In some ways this has hindered me because I can think of situations in my life where I wanted something so badly, but I knew it would hurt someone, so I didn't speak up about my thoughts. Overall, however, I think that considering the feelings & well being of other people has helped me more than hindered. I work each day on being more self-assertive.
I am trying (TRYING) to teach my boys to think of other people before they act or speak. I want to find a fine balance between being considerate towards others & also assertive for themselves. My hope is that they will be able to find like minded friends & partners. Then, I hope, my boys will go in to the world & teach their babies about consideration I have read that like, attracts like & I am counting on this theory. Teaching the boys about consideration isn't easy. I have 3 wonderful, kind, unique kids but they each have VERY different personalities.
Ethan, although VERY thoughtful and kind, is now a teenager. He has a short fuse (especially with his brothers) & he seems to have (temporarily) forgotten that he used to enjoy receiving advice & knowledge from his Mom. Now-a-days, advice from Mom is met with an eye roll or argument in response. This too shall pass... or at least that is what I keep telling myself. Ethan is very compassionate overall, just not towards his family.
Oliver is more out-spoken than the other 2. Oliver is precocious & quick to react with anger. He has a harder time thinking before he speaks. Oliver is a tad more challenging than the other 2 because Oliver's world revolves around what Oliver wants. I have seen signs from Oliver that he is getting the concept of compassion but he very rarely thinks before he reacts. Oliver will learn when Oliver is good & ready. In the mean time, I keep reminding him about compassion. I won't give up!
Avery is sensitive. He is only 5 but I can already see that he gets the idea of consideration. He will often get very sad immediately after saying or doing something not-so-nice to someone. This doesn't mean he refrains from being mean, especially to his brothers, but he does seem to "get it". The idea is to drill compassion in to the fiber of his soul before he turns 13. Re-read above for my reasoning behind this approach!
There is hope for all 3 of them, thank goodness.
I think the world needs a good dose of consideration for others. I bet a lot of our world issues would be solved or at least getting much better if we could all take a few minutes out of our day to consider how our actions affect and effect other people.
Blogging about it, won't make it happen. I know this. Maybe for some people being considerate comes naturally, but from what I can see, it usually needs to be taught. For me, it feels like second nature but I have no idea if it was a difficult task for my parents to teach me. In my mind, I was the perfect child, so of course I think it was probably very easy! ;) As for my boys, teaching them isn't totally difficult but it isn't a walk in the park either. It is important though, so I will keep trying.
The world needs it, even if it is only my little part.
Me.
In a way, I was over-taught to value the needs of others before my own needs. In some ways this has hindered me because I can think of situations in my life where I wanted something so badly, but I knew it would hurt someone, so I didn't speak up about my thoughts. Overall, however, I think that considering the feelings & well being of other people has helped me more than hindered. I work each day on being more self-assertive.
I am trying (TRYING) to teach my boys to think of other people before they act or speak. I want to find a fine balance between being considerate towards others & also assertive for themselves. My hope is that they will be able to find like minded friends & partners. Then, I hope, my boys will go in to the world & teach their babies about consideration I have read that like, attracts like & I am counting on this theory. Teaching the boys about consideration isn't easy. I have 3 wonderful, kind, unique kids but they each have VERY different personalities.
Ethan, although VERY thoughtful and kind, is now a teenager. He has a short fuse (especially with his brothers) & he seems to have (temporarily) forgotten that he used to enjoy receiving advice & knowledge from his Mom. Now-a-days, advice from Mom is met with an eye roll or argument in response. This too shall pass... or at least that is what I keep telling myself. Ethan is very compassionate overall, just not towards his family.
Oliver is more out-spoken than the other 2. Oliver is precocious & quick to react with anger. He has a harder time thinking before he speaks. Oliver is a tad more challenging than the other 2 because Oliver's world revolves around what Oliver wants. I have seen signs from Oliver that he is getting the concept of compassion but he very rarely thinks before he reacts. Oliver will learn when Oliver is good & ready. In the mean time, I keep reminding him about compassion. I won't give up!
Avery is sensitive. He is only 5 but I can already see that he gets the idea of consideration. He will often get very sad immediately after saying or doing something not-so-nice to someone. This doesn't mean he refrains from being mean, especially to his brothers, but he does seem to "get it". The idea is to drill compassion in to the fiber of his soul before he turns 13. Re-read above for my reasoning behind this approach!
There is hope for all 3 of them, thank goodness.
I think the world needs a good dose of consideration for others. I bet a lot of our world issues would be solved or at least getting much better if we could all take a few minutes out of our day to consider how our actions affect and effect other people.
Blogging about it, won't make it happen. I know this. Maybe for some people being considerate comes naturally, but from what I can see, it usually needs to be taught. For me, it feels like second nature but I have no idea if it was a difficult task for my parents to teach me. In my mind, I was the perfect child, so of course I think it was probably very easy! ;) As for my boys, teaching them isn't totally difficult but it isn't a walk in the park either. It is important though, so I will keep trying.
The world needs it, even if it is only my little part.
Me.
Friday, March 7, 2014
A Kind Heart
Oliver can seem heartless. He doesn't show empathy for others very often & he can appear to be very selfish. I know he is only 8, but these characteristics do worry me. I know deep down that he is a caring, compassionate little boy but I wish he would show it more.
Last night we watched a documentary on Netflix about American people who own exotic pets. Pets like lions, alligators & extremely poisonous snakes. I don't get the attraction but I could see how much some of the people loved their animals like family members. One man in particular had a lion & a lioness in his back yard. You could tell he loved them as much as anyone would love their family dog or cat. Unfortunately, the lion (named Lambert) was accidentally electrocuted. It was terrible because it was all filmed. The owner was in cage, laying in the mud beside Lambert when he died. It was very moving. Oliver was very upset, more upset than Ethan or Avery. More deeply upset.
When I questioned him about his emotion, he had a hard time answering. I prodded gently to get him to vocalize what he was feeling. He came over to me with giant tears in his eyes & crawled on my lap. He whispered that he was sad for the owner of Lambert, he was sad for Lambert & he was VERY sad for Lambert's wife Lucy (the lioness). I asked him why he had a hard time telling me that? He shrugged his shoulders in response.
"I KNOW you have a kind heart Oliver. I wish you would show it more" I said. Again, a shrug with eyes looking down. "I also know it seems hard for you to share what you are feeling but I want to help you work on that, ok?". A slight nod, again with eyes down. I lifted is face to look at me & told him "How about you tell Mommy your feelings? Just me & I will keep them to myself. You share your kindness with me & get comfortable with doing so. Then, when you are ready you can share your kind heart easily with the rest of the world?" A small smile & a huge nod "Ok Mom".
This brought tears to me eyes. Oliver has the emotion, he just has a hard time sharing it. I suppose this is true about Oliver in general. He has a hard time sharing toys, space, ideas, me... to name a few things. I used to think this trait was selfish in nature, probably because I am very much the opposite to it. Now, I wonder if it isn't that Oliver doesn't want to share himself, but rather that he doesn't know how to?
This child challenges me & teaches me on a regular basis. Last night was a huge eye opener for me. I will make Oliver's feelings a priority from now on. I will encourage him to share what he feels & I will keep those feelings like little gifts until he is ready to share them with the rest of the world. I hope this will help him because I know it has already helped me.
Me.
Last night we watched a documentary on Netflix about American people who own exotic pets. Pets like lions, alligators & extremely poisonous snakes. I don't get the attraction but I could see how much some of the people loved their animals like family members. One man in particular had a lion & a lioness in his back yard. You could tell he loved them as much as anyone would love their family dog or cat. Unfortunately, the lion (named Lambert) was accidentally electrocuted. It was terrible because it was all filmed. The owner was in cage, laying in the mud beside Lambert when he died. It was very moving. Oliver was very upset, more upset than Ethan or Avery. More deeply upset.
When I questioned him about his emotion, he had a hard time answering. I prodded gently to get him to vocalize what he was feeling. He came over to me with giant tears in his eyes & crawled on my lap. He whispered that he was sad for the owner of Lambert, he was sad for Lambert & he was VERY sad for Lambert's wife Lucy (the lioness). I asked him why he had a hard time telling me that? He shrugged his shoulders in response.
"I KNOW you have a kind heart Oliver. I wish you would show it more" I said. Again, a shrug with eyes looking down. "I also know it seems hard for you to share what you are feeling but I want to help you work on that, ok?". A slight nod, again with eyes down. I lifted is face to look at me & told him "How about you tell Mommy your feelings? Just me & I will keep them to myself. You share your kindness with me & get comfortable with doing so. Then, when you are ready you can share your kind heart easily with the rest of the world?" A small smile & a huge nod "Ok Mom".
This brought tears to me eyes. Oliver has the emotion, he just has a hard time sharing it. I suppose this is true about Oliver in general. He has a hard time sharing toys, space, ideas, me... to name a few things. I used to think this trait was selfish in nature, probably because I am very much the opposite to it. Now, I wonder if it isn't that Oliver doesn't want to share himself, but rather that he doesn't know how to?
This child challenges me & teaches me on a regular basis. Last night was a huge eye opener for me. I will make Oliver's feelings a priority from now on. I will encourage him to share what he feels & I will keep those feelings like little gifts until he is ready to share them with the rest of the world. I hope this will help him because I know it has already helped me.
Me.
Sunday, March 2, 2014
March Break
March Break is a week earlier here in Quebec & it sucks! It sucks because it is VERY cold out. It sucks because we are too broke to do anything really fun. It sucks because my boys fight a lot. A. LOT.
Because I feel so sucky about this year's March Break, I have decided that I will make a goal for next year's. My goal is to save enough money to go somewhere next year. Maybe we will drive down to Florida to visit my parents. Maybe we will fly to Cuba or Mexico for a week at a resort. Maybe we will go to a local attraction everyday of the week. I have no idea what we will do, but it will be something fun!
For this year, unfortunately, we will stick close to home & muddle through. March Break hasn't technically even started yet & the boys are already at each other's throats. It may be a long week.
Me.
Because I feel so sucky about this year's March Break, I have decided that I will make a goal for next year's. My goal is to save enough money to go somewhere next year. Maybe we will drive down to Florida to visit my parents. Maybe we will fly to Cuba or Mexico for a week at a resort. Maybe we will go to a local attraction everyday of the week. I have no idea what we will do, but it will be something fun!
For this year, unfortunately, we will stick close to home & muddle through. March Break hasn't technically even started yet & the boys are already at each other's throats. It may be a long week.
Me.
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